Well, here I am nine days post-op and I cannot sleep. When I have a stirring in my heart, I usually cannot sleep until I act on it in some way. I felt the nudge to write this post the day after surgery...but my heart needed time to process.
If you are not aware, I had an "emergency" appendectomy nine days ago. I say that in quotes, because I waited in the hospital 14 hours before going into surgery, so I'm not sure how emergent that really makes it. It did come as a complete shock and I was not anywhere close to being prepared for what stood before me that day. I felt so out of control. I felt so weak. I felt embarrassed that my house was a wreck and I had to ask for so much help personally and with my kids. I felt confused and even angry when I first got to the hospital. I had two doctors pretty much confirm appendicitis, but the tests were not confirming it for me to go into surgery right away. So we did a lot of waiting and praying and even laughing. Because laughing is the best medicine, right?
It is a crazy thing going to bed one night thinking you just have some crazy gas pains to being in an emergency room by 6:30am the next morning.
Honestly, after the initial shock and severe pain was under control, I came to terms with it, let out a good cry, and tried to enjoy the journey as best I could. I tried so hard to be strong and not show my weakness. I tried to not need pain meds and power through like I had all night. My sister even asked me at one point, "I can tell you are in pain, why do you think you have to suffer?" It got me thinking about how there is still so much in me that can come up if I do not take every thought captive. These thoughts make me think I need to be the strong one. There are so many times I re-live the moments I was such a burden to the ones I loved around me because of my own selfish decisions that in moments like these (even 10 years later and completely out of my control), I still try and punish myself.
I made a decision in that moment to accept all the help that was offered even though it was not easy for me. I let the doctors give me the care that I needed, I let my husband help me up out of bed multiple times during the night and take care of the kids, I let my sisters come see me in my painful state, I let the nurse hold my hand as I walked down the hall after surgery, I let friends and family come over when I really wanted to isolate, I let myself cry when I needed to cry, and I let so many wonderful friends and family bring meals and love on me (seriously, THANK YOU to each of you that commented, texted, and brought meals...it helped more than you know). You will know your people when you are in need, and it is so wonderful to feel that support when you need it the most!
Here's what is incredible: that accepting help and letting people into your unfiltered life and journey is absolutely freeing. It often feels like going against everything we think we should do in this social media world we live in...yet it can bring the most gratitude, love, and real community.
So, I am talking to you...
- the new mom who feels lonely and so exhausted
- the girl that has recently gone through a break up and doesn't have answers why
- the man who always has to be the "strong one" and doesn't want to open up to the people who need him to open up the most
- the one who is sick...AGAIN
- the girl who always seems to have it all together, but deep down feels like she is drowning
- the business woman who is trying to juggle it all
- the mom who doesn't know what else to do to parent and love her toddler, or teenager, or college student
- the single mom working three jobs and sacrificing everything to do what's best for her family
- the retired one thinking that his or her dreams are far from pursuing anymore
- the one who is broken from divorce or heart ache
- the one who has lost a loved one...or two, or three
- the foster parents who feel like no one understands their struggle or the selfless sacrifice they have made to take in a beautiful child in need
- the one who has been through physical/emotional abuse and doesn't know how to let people into their story
You see? We ALL need help.
Today I challenge you to take a chance, get out of your comfort zone and ask for help or better yet, just LET the people in your life love you!
I broke down the other morning when I got sick from the antibiotics they have me on and was in so much physical and emotional pain. I hadn't been able to hold my kids or do anything that I normally do and my heart was aching as a wife, mom, leader, and fitness trainer.
If you know me at all, you know I find try to find purpose in every little thing I do...its just a part of who I am.
But this...this situation I was having trouble finding purpose in and it was leaving me feeling defeated and discouraged. I let my husband in on all that I was feeling and he quickly corrected me, in love, with this... "Stephanie, you don't have to find purpose in this situation. YOUR LIFE is the purpose. You are still here! And your life is worth you sitting here and taking the time to heal even if you cannot do anything else."
It's so simple, yet so profound because it clicked for me in that moment. For days, I was trying to find the silver lining in it all, and honestly...I was struggling. I was grateful, don't get me wrong because this is pale in comparison to what others go through in their lives, but I was honestly still hurting from the confusion and surprise of it all.
I am positive that someone out there needs to hear this...
You may be experiencing something very difficult in your life, but you are still here. You hold your head high and know there is an army of people around you who want to love on you and help you, but you have to let them in! No one would have been able to help me if I didn't first tell them what I was going through. You must let your people into whatever area in your life is causing you pain. Let those safe people in your life know your story and pull you up and cheer you on! You were not meant to do this life alone.
WE CANNOT GIVE UP.
WE CANNOT BACK DOWN.
AND WE MUST LET OTHERS IN TO HELP LIFT US BACK UP.
"Our scars are a sign of everything we have overcome"
Do you look at the scars on your life and see that each one those scars tell a story?? If you are like me, you may have a lot of them...physically and emotionally.
Scars were never meant to bring pain or shame. They serve as a reminder, representing everything you have overcome. Did you catch that? You are not a victim to what this life brings...you are an OVERCOME. Even Jesus had wounds...and by His wounds, we are healed. Which is something else to think on. (see Isaiah 53:5)
Some of you may be reading this and realizing you don't have scars quite yet, but that yours are still fresh wounds that are painful and sore and that's okay! It just means that you have a season of healing in front of you. You must take the time to heal. You didn't see me out running six miles today just a week and a half out of surgery. You'd find me right now with my feet kicked up in my comfiest joggers and ice on my stomach while I rest and heal. Emotional wounds are the same way: they take rest, support, tender care, and healing as well!
My physical wounds are still fresh, but soon they will be scars. You may not even be able to see them over time, but to me they will serve as a reminder of another time I overcame. They will tell of the time I felt so weak, but He was my strength and my stronghold. They will be another part of my story. Yours will be too.
BUT - you better believe that when I am healed, I will be right back at it and living this life to the fullest, and for now I'll do that from my recliner with joy and peace in my heart! So lets find joy in this season, and remember that your life still has purpose even if nothing makes sense around you. You are not forgotten. You are seen and loved and you WILL overcome and you will be stronger when you are fully healed.
Share this with a friend who may need it, or save it for a time you may need to be reminded that you still have purpose...so don't you dare give up!
Opmerkingen